You Don’t Have To Shout

You Don’t Have To Shout

Do you ever wonder why you end up raising your voice when things aren’t going the way you planned? Or why we tend to shout whenever we have a meltdown? You get into an argument with someone, he’s just in front of you, and you are shouting at each other. Why is that? He’s just in front of you, it’s not like you have to shout to be heard.

Sure, you lost your cool and ended up raising your voice. The question remains why we have to shout instead of talk. Just to say that it is human nature doesn’t answer this question. Maybe it’s the testosterone, or adrenaline that makes you raise your voice. But if you are seeking to understand and control your anger, I don’t see how this is going to help.

Listen, I was never one to buy into the getting rid of your anger by whacking the hell out of a punching bag. How does that help? If you condition yourself to that response, you are conditioning your mind to punch the hell out of something. Seems like a good way of losing it. What happens when there isn’t a punching bag around? What do you hit? The guy in front of you? Ever wonder why we practice courtesy inside a training dojo?

The only answer that makes sense to me was something I read this morning. The reason why we shout when we get angry is because of the distance between our hearts. When someone doesn’t see eye to eye with you, your hearts have drifted apart. So, in order to be heard your heart makes you raise your voice. It’s that void between you and your adversary, to bridge the distance you end up having to shout. The thing is, the more you shout the angrier you get, and the greater the distance is. So you shout even louder.

Does this make sense? Look at what happens when you are in love. Your hearts are so closely entwined, all you tend to do is whisper to each other. Many couples speak without words, with just a glance.

The next time you raise your voice in anger, take a second to realize this. It might help you keep your cool and regain control of the situation. If you want people to listen to your point of view, you need to be in control of your anger. He who has a clear head often ends up getting his way.